Lifetimes of Love and Sorrow

(version 1)

by Dionysos Maskaleris

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There is one I have always loved and each time I have lost her horribly - I often the cause of her death as she died in great pain in front of my eyes. I always remember her as in a dream but I am awake when the déjà vu like memory comes.

Maybe the first time I remember her was when we were not aware of who we were as we spun around each other - we atoms of hydrogen - infinitesimally tiny specks - within the one great mother star.

Another early time I also remember her was in a warm shallow primordial sea - we were one of the first ones that learned to stop just dividing into always the same and separate. When we and the other couples joined for the first time - no one had ever done this on the Earth before and she and I made a new life being and we opened the portals to bringing many souls into this world. 

One time I remember her - the most vivid memory of her [or is it just a dream?] was in the time when we as life forms changed again and we came down from the trees. She was a healer with herbs and singing spells and I was so proud of her and she of me as I found the magic stones and I fashioned new words to describe the things around us and to describe our feelings and I taught the younger ones to draw in the clay pictures that were not just pictures but social tools for remembering and exchanging words beyond just hearing them - not just for physical survival but as echoing mind energy transfer soul tools for spiritual transformation for individuals and as a species. Writing as a soul tool in that time I wrote what they called in our language my 'dream spell poem prayers'. She the woman that my soul has always loved - with me at our hearth fire when our tribe was attacked - she who is the only love I have ever known was taken from me with a long spear thrust through both her and our baby on her breast - her arms first held tight onto me and then she let go of me and life - as her eyes lost their light again to the lifetimes of sorrow. 

I have known her many times before and since - when she died in a bombing from airplanes as the building collapsed and then burned around us 

And when she died in a time of great sailing ships in a shipwreck - us thrown from the deck and she sinking in front of my eyes into the terrible depths of the storm raging sea. 

And when she got the plague and they took her still living body and threw her with thousands of dead and dying and they said she had sinned and that she would go to hell.

I knew her another time when she was one of the greatest women who ever lived - she was a Leonardo of her time - she painted and sculpted and she designed machines and she measured the distances between the stars and she healed diseases and she wrote of what God whispered to her and she who was one of the wisest persons of all history chose not to prevent her own death though even on the last day she could of avoided it - she had a brain like a modern computer and the mind of a philosopher king and the foresight of the prophets and the compassion of the ones who die a martyred death or reincarnate for others even though they need not die or return. 

Why she loved me I don't know. I was cruel and selfish and I loved only myself and the men of our country grew jealous and then afraid of her power and I could not protect her from them and from my own ambitions and from my own heart that though I had begun to open to her and I had begun to turn to the Light - my heart darkened and I had her put to death and at the moment she died she said to me three words with perfect forgiveness and peace on her face and I knew then I was cursed by those words for all time - for loving her the first time I loved – for loving her now - and for loving her ever more - cursed for loving her again and again for eternity - the love of a soulmate forever unattainable for me. These three words have never been once said to me in this lifetime as Dion - words never said to me by my parents or anyone but every lifetime said to me only by the woman I love as she dies painfully in front of me from another's hand or because of my error or my cruel heart. Those three words are the most sacred words in any language and those words are "I Love You". 

 

But for me those words said to me always means she who I love is about to die - wrenched from me yet again. Those three words mean love will always be denied me. That every lifetime I defile her soul and all love and all Light with the darkness of my damaged being.  I am lost, lost, lost - I am a lost soul. I weep for the sorrow of all my lifetimes – I cry out for my everlasting loneliness of separation from love.   -dion

{All Dionysos Maskaleris writings copyright or copyright pending}

 

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Lifetimes of Sorrow and Love

(version 2)

by Dionysos Maskaleris

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Often when I am the speaker at a meeting and I tell my story - 'of what it was like, what happened and what it is like now' - I say: the beginning started with me when the great one cosmic Mother star exploded into infinite particles of love but today my story will be of my addictions and recovery - of my family of origin and the people in my life that I have harmed and the people in my life that I have tried to find healing with - for maybe all we are doing when we become addicted and when we heal and when we truly love - maybe we are just human beings gathering up all that star dust of love that is scattered all over the universe and we are bringing back the scattered love into our souls and into the souls of those around us.

But today I think maybe my story to you starts with the first female, who I loved in a warm shallow primordial sea - we were one of the first ones that learned to stop just dividing into always the same and separate. When we and the other couples joined for the first time no one had ever done this on the Earth before and she and I made a new life being and we opened the portals to bringing many new souls into this world. [maybe we are now at a place in human spiritual evolution where we have learned to divide emotionally and now we are learning to join spiritually - maybe we are for now less evolved then the first amoebas]. 

 

I remember a later time when she and I descended the trees and I followed her - the woman I loved - out of the safety of the trees to the adventure of becoming human [and now we live in a time when we aspire to evolve into beings who ascend from the Earth and who ascend our bodies into the Light]. 

I remember a lifetime when she the woman I loved gathered healing herbs and spun spells and I gathered the magic crystals and I invented the symbols that I drew in the clay earth - the symbols that represented the words for the things around us and the feelings within us and then this woman I loved [and have loved and lost in terrible deaths from my first lifetime as a one cell animal and on to all the countless subsequent life times] - I remember as we sat by the fire - I was so proud of them and they of me and then suddenly one evening by the fire another tribe attacked - our baby on her breast - both pierced together by a spear - my woman and baby died in my arms. 

I remember each subsequent lifetime and each time the same soul comes to me into the new body of she who I love and each lifetime she dies and I lose her again across the great lonely abyss of the universe between lifetimes of souls until each time we are reborn to meet and fall in love again and again and again - I love her and then I lose her to terrible deaths. 

 

I remember the ship wreck when she fell into the storm angered roaring sea as I lost my grasp on her hand and she pleaded to me with her eyes for her life as she sank into the depths. 

 

And when she got the plague and they took her still living body and threw her with thousands of dead and dying and they said she had sinned and that she would go to hell.

I remember many times I could of prevented or I caused her death. One lifetime I remember she was a great genius and the wisest and kindest woman that has ever lived. She mapped stars and invented machines and made masterpieces of Art and wrote words that came from God and her touch was healing and her eyes were mandala mirrors of the Energy of the Universe. The powerful men of our country grew jealous and then fearful of her and I was the leader of these men and though she and I loved each other and we had joined and she bore our yet unborn child I ordered her death and as they broke her body on the rack and as I watched just at the moment before she died - she whispered the three words that make my heart sing every lifetime and are my curse every lifetime - at her every lifetime's moment of death before my eyes she says these words and as she died then at that lifetime she said those words - the three most sacred words in any language: 
I love you. 

Every night I dream. I dream of the woman that dies in our every lifetime - of the soul I love and of the love I try to destroy. Everyday I write. I write of love being the most powerful force in the Universe - of how we are evolving into beings of Light but that every moment we also destroy love with our addictions and with our fate and with our selfish actions that uses fate as an excuse. This is my heaven and hell - every lifetime I meet her with whom we join our bodies together - with whom we ascend from our bodies together - with whom we lay in a stillness within a vibration of energy together and then each lifetime her body is destroyed before it's time - often by me - the love is destroyed - all love is destroyed in the Universe and her soul is sent weeping into the abyss and each lifetime I am left with my own darkness and that my words are nothing without love - that I hold back the spiritual evolution of humanity - for this I am responsible - I am responsible for my suffering and all suffering - it is my responsibility to break the pattern of the vicious cycle of human addiction to manipulating life and love - for all this I am responsible. 

Here I am now in the present lifetime. Here I am now in the present moment. It is not my love that will save you. It is not your love that will save me. God will not save us. We exist to save God. God is loving us just fine. We only love God when we want something or when we get what we want. We are cruel parents. We are spoiled children. When will we learn to love unconditionally in this conditional world? When will we return to being children of innocent wisdom? 

We exist to evolve love in the Universe. Will this be the lifetime that we will spiritually evolve as a species? I exist to try to better love. Will this be the lifetime that I will bring less suffering to myself and others?  Will this be the lifetime that I will bring more love to myself and others? I want people to stop hurting - stop being hurt and hurting others. I want to stop hurting - stop being hurt and hurting others. None of the souls are free until all the souls are free.

Those stories of my lifetimes are real dreams that I have every night and sometimes they come as memories as I am awake. Every delusion - every dream - every opinion - every fact - every feeling - everything is real. These are true dreams. What is more true and practical for me is what I am and do in this lifetime and in this moment. Loving actions have more stillness then words. 

 

Heaven on Earth is joy - enlightenment in the moment is joy - we exist to experience and give joy.  All animate and all inanimate forms - all beings, all life, all energy entities exist to be and spread to others an equilibrium of connecting energy. Everything is alive. Every molecule and cell - every entity wants to be loved and to love. Perhaps like no new energy is created or destroyed - no new love is created or destroyed - energy and love just constantly changes form.

As I grasp for addictions less and as I let go and give without wanting in return more - the woman now comes in my sleeping dreams and to my waking dreams and she is crying and laughing in joy. The Light in her eyes shows me she is here in her body less because she needs to rework and heal old painful patterns but more because she comes to this lifetime to enjoy it and help others find joy. The Light that is in her body and that surrounds her cannot be destroyed. The Light in your body and that surrounds your body cannot be destroyed. I see the love that is eternal - flowing from her out to everyone - flowing from everyone to you - flowing from you to everyone. I don't know if she and I will ever touch each other again with our bodies but it doesn't matter - for now our soul Light is making love to each other in the moment of now that is eternity. I see the light lay lines connecting all souls. I see tendrils of Light connecting each of us. I see all the souls - each soul - every energy entity - dancing together in the All Light.
 

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{All Dionysos Maskaleris writings copyright or copyright pending}

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